Fail to Prepare, Prepare to Fail (With Excuses)

Well I never said I'd write every day, but my lack of posting was indicative of my lack of commitment the past week.

In my defense I was traveling, which took me out of my routine. Not much of a defense, since it isn't like I didn't KNOW I was going to be traveling. I packed all of my powders for my shakes, my daily vitamins, my running shoes and work out clothes. That should count for something, right? My scale would disagree.

Let's see, it might be helpful to confess all the transgressions. The first challenge was at the airport, where I actually found the breakfast burrito place on myfitnesspal and logged it. Then I had some peanuts on the airplane, logged those. Then we met Claire's Aunt and Uncle for dinner, and that is where the wheels started to fall off. Sure I swapped out the garlic mashed potatoes for asparagus, but I had more wine that I planned, some fried zucchini thing... it was more of a meal than I needed.

The next day I went for a run that was filled with hills, so I didn't go nearly as far as I had planned. Ate a relatively healthy breakfast that I logged, then... I can't really remember what we did for lunch, but somehow by that night I was eating wings and drinking beer, and the food log had gone out the window.

Saturday, the day of the baby shower, until Tuesday morning was so many different kinds of unhealthy. Beer, shots, wings, pizza, Mike and Ike's, movie popcorn, hot dogs, Pringles, I had given up trying to be healthy and instead let my guard down to all sorts of food I should NEVER eat. It was a great visit, but it was tainted by my disappointment in myself, even in the moment.

Yesterday I started my official training regimen for the half marathon. I 'ran' again through North Carolina hills, but I felt awful. My shins were burning, my body was not prepared, and I walked more than I ran. I still made better choices yesterday in a day that was dominated by coming home, and then this morning I weighed myself before going to the gym.

The damage: 7.1 pounds*. This was a 6 day trip, and the majority of the binge was during one 48 hour period. I'm sure some of that is extra water from sodium and I am definitely curious how long it will take me to get back down, but I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, as long as I go right back to my healthy routine there really isn't much to dwell on. However, this wasn't some small slip up. I wanted to test myself to see how these habits would hold up on the road, and I failed miserably.  Now I've got to lose these pounds over again, and I need to put a better plan together the next time I travel.

Vacation's over. Back to work.

*I was down to 240.1 at my lowest, and now I am up to 247.2.

Good Memories and Whole Wheat Toast

Four years ago today Claire and I went to her ultrasound appointment. I think it was the time that she got a ticket for basically getting in a police officer's way. She was in the left turn lane, waiting to turn, when the light turned yellow and then red. She didn't pull into the intersection to turn after the light changed, and the cop wrote her a ticket for impeding traffic. She was pregnant and didn't want to pull into oncoming traffic, so I guess he had a point to make or something.

That is not the good memory. The good memory is the tears of joy as we sat in the car afterward, calling family to tell them that M was going to have a baby sister. Ever since that day our family has had a symmetry. A boy just like daddy, a girl just like mommy. We've been a perfect little family of four, and I can't believe that was only four years ago. It feels like it has always been this way.

I've been thinking a lot about how my shift in priorities toward a more healthy lifestyle has affected them, good and bad. There are definitely struggles. I'm busy without needing to find time for the gym. The house always smells like something healthy dad is cooking. I give mommy a guilt trip any time she gives the kids cookies before dinner or offends me personally by taking the kids to get happy meals. Then of course the past two days I've been recovering from an absolute crash in which I have had no energy. I told Claire that my new fitter self would have MORE energy to be a dad, and now I am already budgeting a lot of that energy for running races.

It's hard. But it is still better than it was before. This is all new, and I'll learn how to eat to prepare for runs so I don't crash like I did this week. We won't live in our small apartment forever, so maybe the whole house won't smell like healthy daddy food. I will have more energy to go do the things a dad should with his kids. Most of all, hopefully, I will model good behavior that will keep them from ever having to struggle with this the way I am.

I feel a lot better today. I actually added a piece of whole wheat toast to my breakfast (140 calories?!?). Morning carbs, especially since I am going to be running more) are going to be the newest tweak to my routine. Janelle called me late last night and told me to run "no longer than 30 minutes and get my heart rate to no more than 141 bps". I wonder how slow I have to run to stay below 141. Anyway, that is all I'm doing today, then I have my Team Fit class in the morning. Sitting at 241.5 today, so there is definitely more work to be done.

Keep It Under 141

So, two new things to add the training ritual. First, most of my workouts need to be in Zone 1 or 2, which for me means keeping my heart rate under 141. Second, I need post workout carbs to help me recover. I'm not particularly thrilled with either of these adjustments, but it would be silly not to follow the advice of my dietitian; knowledge is power!

Apparently if I run at the 141 maximum heart rate, I'll still get gains in terms of speed and distance, but if I do a lot of low aerobic training I can help my body learn to burn fat instead of carbs, which my body seems to struggle with. I checked my body fat (I'll try to do it the first Monday of the month from now on) and I am at exactly 37%, up .4% from 3 weeks ago. Not cool, body fat, not cool.

I ran this morning, but I took it pretty easy (maybe not 141 easy though). I think my phone is broken, because it won't charge, so I need to figure that out as soon as possible. I use it for everything with regards to nutrition and I even use it to track my heart rate during work outs, so I guess I will need it all the time now. 

Still feeling kind of burnt out, and I'm discouraged about my lack of progress on body fat loss and my consultation with Janelle that pretty much means I'm gonna be the slowest runner ever for the Turkey Trot. Ultimately I just want progress so however long it takes is fine. I'm gonna lose this weight and become a runner.

Sometimes Your Body Makes Other Plans

I did do one shot of tequila last night at the end of my shift. I was celebrating making it through the week, and the fact that I am probably not going to be playing there for a little while. As much grief as that club has given me I still miss the people who I got to know there. Anyway, compared to the way I used to drink there, a single shot is a victory.

Today I feel like I've been hit by a truck, and I really don't think it was the tequila. Not stuffy like Wednesday, but like my blood sugar is out of whack or something. I've been up about 7 hours today, and I'm ready to go back to bed. I haven't done much of anything today other than spend some time with my kids (Claire spent most of the day catching up from her work trip at the office).

Tomorrow I've got my Team Fit class at Lifetime and then I meet with Janelle at 9. She and I definitely need to talk carbs, because I think that is my problem today. I probably should have eaten more than I did yesterday considering the day I had. One good thing that comes of this gross feeling is that I'll be able to get back into my normal rhythm of sleep no problem.

So running did not happen today. I'm not officially training until next week, but I did plan on running and I'm not thrilled with myself that I didn't make it happen. Maybe I would have passed out, maybe it would have made me feel better. I'm terrible at reading what my body is telling me. That is something else that is going to need to change for me to be a runner and for me to maintain my weight loss. I feel like I have done something wrong, and I am a discouraged. If I am wore out from my run yesterday, than I may not be cut out for this. Tomorrow I will get some answers. Tonight I will get some rest.

Need to Recharge

My Fitbit needs to recharge. I feel exactly the same way.

Fun night at Shout. Got home at 2:30am. Woke up around 8:30am when Claire was freaking out about a sinus headache. Decided to try to sleep a little longer, then I was out until noon.

Somehow made 'breakfast' but I feel absolutely wiped out. I gonna sit and watch football until this charges. At least.

November 1 Looking Back, Looking Forward

"I heard you talking about running a half marathon yesterday."

"Yeah. What do you think?"

"I think it's stupid."

My wife, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm still like 50/50 whether I tell people that I registered for the half marathon or not. For example, when I saw my pastor at the Halloween party last night and we started talking about weight loss (naturally, since I haven't gone to church lately so he noticed and commented, "Looks like you're slimming down"...) I told him that I registered for the 10k Turkey Trot and the 10k Rock n' Roll, but I didn't mention the Phoenix Half Marathon. But by the end of the night a guy in his Tough Mudder shirt and his wife had overheard me talking about it and decided to share their war stories.

"I did a half marathon once. I don't know about your experience with gels, but don't do new nutrition the day of the race, ugh," said the wife.

"Yeah, I didn't really train for mine, and I nearly passed out at mile 8 and had to walk the rest. It was hot and awful," said the husband.

So I guess you can say I've been feeling a little discouraged. More accurately, I'm terrified.

Four months ago today, July 1, I weighed 286.5 lbs. Today, I'm down 43.1 lbs and I have gone about 5 miles without stopping. I'd say that's a pretty good 4 month improvement. Four months from today, March 1, will be the day after I run 13.1 miles, however long it takes me. Maybe I'll be down 10 lbs, maybe another 43.1, who knows. To me, ultimately, I have to trust that if I put the miles in and stay on my nutrition, I will be fine.

So this morning, I did three "easy" miles.

I tried a new path today. It felt like the whole thing was uphill! I love how my pacing was awesome for the first two, and then you can see how the elevation increase just killed it for me. I was supposed to go easy, but I couldn't help but try to beat my previous best of 36 minutes. I also love how whether I went the way I went or if I decided to go the other way it would be downhill then back uphill. Not easy. But these races may not all be flat... Hills happen. I might keep this as my "3 easy" route going forward, except I do have to cross a busy street twice, and I don't want to have to stop and have it affect my time.

Dueling tonight, so I'll be out late, and then I have 4 (or 5?) miles to do at "race pace" tomorrow. I think training for a marathon is the best excuse not to drink ever.

Halloween!!!

Claire is coming home today! This is the longest she has had to be away from work, and it has been kind of rough. The kids have been really good, but there just isn't enough hours in a day for everything without us parenting in tandem. We will be glad to see her.

M has his first ever field trip today, and A is having a party at her school. The of course trick-or-treating tonight. I'm looking forward to all of it, and it is even more enjoyable because for the second year in a row I am not gigging. In fact, it is almost a year to the day when I stopped working at Shout full time. There is no doubt I would have to work tonight if I was still there.

Man, I am not exactly sure where to begin talking about this part of my life, but it is definitely a part of my story. I am a dueling piano player. The very short version of this story is that a friend of mine wanted to start his own traveling dueling piano show in 2004, and he wanted a partner he could trust. I told him I didn't play piano, and he said he would teach me. 3 months later I began making money as a dueler, and a few years later I had played in 37 states.

From February of 2009 (about a month after M was born) until October of 2013 I worked at a dueling piano bar in Glendale, AZ. It was great for me and terrible for me at the same time. I gained a lot of experience with very talented respected duelers and I fell victim to the heavy drinking and high stress of performing for a living that often goes along with the profession. I worked very hard to improve and make the room as successful as it could be, and the day that I finally decided to leave was probably one of the scariest, most uncertain days of my life. I gave them several weeks notice, and they turned it down, leaving me with nothing but two weeks of saved up vacation time as a sort of severance until we would be financially, well, screwed.

I interviewed for my current job as a legal administrator on Halloween a year ago. Last month I got employee of the month. I still get to freelance as a dueler, and this past year has been the best financial year of my life. I'm happier and healthier than ever AND I get guilt free trick-or-treating with my kiddos tonight! What a difference a year makes.

A few points here. First, financial stress always seems to manifest as pounds for me. Right now things are good, so I'm doing well. The goal is to get the habits in place for the inevitable stress life will dish out at some point. Second, I have yo-yo'd even within this past year, and I would attribute that to the unhealthy patterns I have associated with dueling. It is a great way to supplement my income, but it puts me at the biggest chance of relapse. A dangerous game, but ultimately it is up to me to man up and not make dueling an excuse to be unhealthy, and if I can't do that then I need to stop dueling altogether.

So, 242.8 again today, but I signed up for all my races yesterday. Turkey Trot 10k on Thanksgiving, Rock 'n Roll 10k on January 18th, and the Phoenix HALF MARATHON February 28th. I put together a good training plan for the HALF MARATHON and the next few months I am gonna learn to run a HALF MAR-A-THON. So expect the next few months to be filled with posts about how I have passed out training. I'm excited and scared.